Leave Me
by Lady Mondegreen
Summary: Logan needs Max to leave him... but why?
1. Default Chapter

leave1

Disclaimer: The wonderful characters of Dark Angel are the colaborative creative manifestation of James Cameron and Charles Eglee's imaginations. Ya happy, you rich Hollywood snobs?  
(realizes no one gets the joke and shuts up.)  
  
Note: This is my first DA fic, so please be nice to me and my insatiable appetite for reviews.  
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January, 2021  
  
Logan! Hey, did you see the weather today, looks like we're rescheduling that picnic- Logan?   
Max bounded into Logan's- she still thought of it as Logan's, even though she'd lived there for a little more that six months- apartment with the same abnormal energy she always had at six o'clock at night. She looked around. Logan's car was in the garage, something was in the oven. He never went walking while he was cooking.   
Hi, Max.   
He walked in from his study. Max smiled at him and hugged him. He held her for a moment, but his embrace felt strangely detached to Max. She looked up at him. His eyes were tired, maybe even- sad?  
Are you alright? Bad day at work? Max asked.  
She smiled at her jest. The small software incryption company Logan had set up since he lost his family's trust fund was quite sucessful. It helped his Eyes Only, too- now he could crack just about any file, since he designed it all.  
Not really, just... he broke eye contact. Let's eat.  
  
Logan remained distant and quiet during dinner. Max got ready for bed and got in beside him. She wound her arms around him and began to kiss him , but Logan pulled back.  
Logan, what's wrong?  
He inhaled deeply.  
Max, I think we may be getting too... together.  
She blinked at him in the darkness, not understanding.  
We can't do this. I can't... we can't... have that future together. It just can't happen.  
Max's eyes searched his, trying to find what was behind this.  
We will make it happen, Logan. We thought you'd never be able to walk again, look now. We're living together, I love you...  
Logan broke the gaze again, looking at the floor.  
No, Max, we can't. I can't love you. We are what we are.  
Max rose from the bed, getting angry.  
You want to break up with me because I'm from Manticore? What the hell, Logan?  
Max,... you're a killer.  
Her eyes flashed.  
I found pictures, of when you were little. I can't.. I don't want to... you are. You did. You could again.  
Now Max's anger mixed with sorrow.  
Logan...? You don't really...?  
He kept looking at the floor.  
It's for the best, Max.  
Her lips formed the word _No._ But it never got past. Max turned and ran, only stopping to grab a pair of jeans. She ran down the stairs, screw the elevator, to the garage. Max, on her motorcycle, dissapeared into the cold night shortly after.  
  
Leaning his head against the frosty glass of the window, Logan's heart cried out to jump from the roof, slit a wrist, anything to stop the memory of what just happened from flaming through his consciousness. But making Max leave had taken his strength, so he simply rested his head and let the tears run down the windowpane.   
  
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TBC. But only if I get feedback, good or bad.


	2. Meeting

leave2

You people are doing wonders for my ego! Although, whoever a reader' is, step away from the computer and sign up for some anger-management classes!  
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Max road far, away from pain, away from Logan.... _No. NO! _ her heart screamed. _Logan is not pain, Logan is peace, Logan is love, Manticore is pain, Manticore is isolation, Logan IS-N' T._ She raced at a breakneck speed, blindly heading east.   
  
Around dawn the next morning, she noticed the frostbite beginning to form on her toes from the wind and ice. Max reluctantly signed into a hotel. She didn't want to stop running.  
_When the going gets tough, the tough crumble like clay and run for the border, _an evil little voice in her said as she stuck her feet in the lukewarm water of the bathroom. Max hung her head, replaying everything. _You knew it would happen, it always happens. Even if they don't know, they sense something's wrong with you, Maxie, and they don't like it. _Damn rationalization impulse. When she could feel her feet again, Max crawled under the blankets and cried.  
  
**In Seattle**  
  
Zack was worried. After the fiasco with Tinga, he had stepped up the pace on his sibling survelliance. He had seen Max drive off into the night, but he was sure she would be back, and he would have to look away from disgust (definetly not because he felt pain) when she and _him_ made up. He had to admit he'd never seen her happier than with Logan. But look where it got Tinga. Her son, motherless, her husband, broken. Zack silently mourned his lapse in control (not the loss of a sister) when he hadn't killed Charlie before he asked to marry him. Not Max. But she'd been gone ten hours. The last time he had been here to see them fight was when Max was mad at Logan for not even mentioning some family thing he had been invited to.   
Are you embarrassed to be seen with me? she had yelled. Logan's face had turned stormy and he walked all the way down to the market. Zack had followed him to- he wasn't sure why. Logan had come across someone selling sterling roses, smiled, bought one and gone home. Zack had been back a week later after checking up on Syl in L.A., to see Logan and Max watching some ancient movie called The Producers and laughing their asses off in each others arms. He hadn't been back for awhile. Because it took so long to get to Philadelphia to check up on Jondy. Of course. But now he was worried. Zack couldn't take the chance of planting a wire, not with Logan's equipment around to pick it up, so he didn't know what the fight was about. Logan crying had really scared him. Logan had made Max leave, but he wasn't mad at her... Zack peered thorugh his heat-sensing goggles (supervision was useless against tinted windows). Logan was asleep with his head on his desk. Zack glanced at his watch. Almost dawn. Thank God Max never checked for tracers on her Ninja. He had been about to intervine anyway, Max, his baby... baby sister, was not going to die in testing like Tinga. Time to find little sister.  
  
Zack followed the signal to Windsett, Montana. The tracker he had actually copied off a pet project of Logan's, it bounced an electronic signal off an old satellite that was rarely used. It could track Max's motorcycle within 600 miles. Not bad for bootleg transmissions. It was parked in the garage of an old inn that was still operational. Zack didn't bother asking the doorman, he could hear the faint sound of sobbing through a crack in a window. Just up the rain gutter and edging the window open. He slipped inside and gazed down at the small, fragile-looking figure on the bed. Max's hair was tangled, her body was twisted in a position to crack a normal woman's spine. She was sleeping, crying in her sleep. Zack frowned. They were not designed to sleep this much, if Logan had hurt her phsyically, he'd kill him. Zack put a hand on her shoulder. Max, wake up. It's me. She stirred, whimpering Then she sat up, recognizing him.   
  
She sounded dissapointed. Max pulled the blanket and sheet up to cover herself (she was wearing panties and a t-shirt, and huddled back. Zack kept his face carefully blank, not showing his dissapointment. When he'd first revealed himself to her, she would have been estatic to have him find her and be there for her. He would have hugged her, and soon they would have run off together... but that didn't happen. She went back for Logan. He hadn't known the first time, and was so relived to find out they weren't married. Then, when she beat him to go back, he had known. Zack should've killed him then and there, gone back and pulled the plug, but he'd had to run. As much as he loved Max, there were eleven others to watch for.  
I'm not going to run with you.  
Leave it to Max to get straight to the point.  
I was coming to see you- no way she believed him, but said nothing and I saw you ride off at eleven at night. Did _he_ - Zack's eyes narrowed hurt you?  
Max rubbed her red eyes.  
Not physically. He never would.  
Zack shifted on the edge of the bed.  
But he said... Zack, he said he didn't want me because I was a killer. From Manticore.  
Now at this point, he should have said _It's all for the best, no one but someone who was there could have understood it anyway. _ So he did, and Max smiled gratefully. But the smile faltered, and she began to cry. Zack held out his arms to her, and this time she didn't move back.  
  
Max cleaned herself up while Zack got some food. They ate in silence.   
Finally, Zack asked.  
Max. If Logan isn't... anymore, why don't you leave?  
Max had been expecting this, but she was still surprised.  
I have a job and friends, Zack.  
He frowned.  
I can't leave without saying goodbye.  
He smiled.  
To Logan, too.  
Frown.  
I love him. With him... it never mattered. Anything. It didn't seem to... and I thought... he was my family.  
We're family, Max. Me and you.  
Max smiled wistfully.  
Yeah, us and the rest of the genejack-and-jill screwups.  
From Zack's perspective, the message just wasn't getting through.  
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Still a TBC. I think most of you will like the eventual ending, or pelt me with rotten e-vegetables for my poor charater manipulation.


	3. Theirs

leave3

  
**Seattle**  
Max gracefully dismounted the motorcycle, looking a little less sad. She didn't want to leave Logan, he had probably calmed down by now, they could talk. Zack pulled up next to her a moment later. He started to pick the elevator lock when Max ran her pass through the lock and the door slid open. Zack looked at her, startled, then disapproving. _That' s how it'll be, on the lam with Zack. _Max involuntarily shivered at the thought. She'd never be able to stay with him, because eventually he'd want her to love him like she loved (not past tense) Logan. No. Maybe Logan was just... upset. He had told her about the pictures and Ben, maybe the way she had brushed it off, didn't want to talk, had unnerved him. Even if he wanted her, could she live with that underlying doubt of her sanity? From Logan?  
  
She opened the door. Max gazed into their (_oh, now you think of it as yours too, Max.)_ apartment. Zack ducked in behind her. He looked nervous, but was doing a good fake of being very observant (_he's acting like he's come to steal me away from Logan)_. Logan walked in from his study.  
  
She half-smiled sadly.  
(_oh i loveyou please don't hate me, i'm/we're not like that really,please logan,please)  
_He glanced at Zack, who straightened. Logan cleared his throat.  
I guess you're here for your stuff.  
Max nodded.  
I won't be able to take most of it. Give what ever I can't take to charity, okay?  
Now Logan nodded.  
Max sauntered off to pack.  
  
Zack half-glared at Logan.  
So you got tired of her.  
No. I'd never. Logan's voice was almost wavering, but tightly controlled.  
You got scared. I'm not mad, this way she won't end up like Tinga.  
Logan sofly said I know.  
Zack almost didn't hear him, how quiet he said it. Sadly. Oh shit.  
She's going to go.  
I want her to go. She has to go. Logan said it sound mean, narcissistic, rejecting. But that style only worked for Zack. Logan sounded like he was being instructed, convinced (however shallowly) that she really needed to.  
Or something would happen.  
  
Max hurriedly stuffed clothes into a backpack. She paused at the nightstand. A picture of her and Logan, the only one of her. They leaned against her motorcycle, her head on his shoulder, Logan holding her and smiling like an idiot. Tears threatened at her eyes, so she ran out the door, out of her life, Zack in tow.


	4. Force

leave4

Max had also given Logan her motorcycle. She hated to part with it, but maybe, he'd still ride it. If he really didn't want her he'd just sell it. But she wanted to picture him cruising around Seattle. She couldn't be all inhuman, Max reasoned, if she could make another human happy. So she clung to Zack's back while they headed for Canada. Zack wanted to head for Europe (keeping across the Canadian border), so they'd go to Montreal. Max figured she'd leave him there and cross over into New York, maybe eventually go to Europe. She suddenly, painfully remembered a night when she and Logan had played one of those who-knows-their-boy/girlfriend-better games with Bling and his fiance Lynn. On Max's turn, they'd had Logan write down his guess then asked Max the question Where would you want to go for your honeymoon?   
Max had answered Italy, and Logan had the right answer.  
Oooh, you know what that means... Lynn had teased.  
Logan had actually blushed and held her hand. Max had been so startled and elated at his response.  
She smiled wistfully as Zack ran the border.  
  
Later that night, in a small run-down building, Max fell asleep on one of the cots Zack had set up. She had no idea why she'd been sleeping so much, but she was so worn out. It worried Zack. Max didn't have any seizures lately. But she had been sick to her stomach the day before. Max had joked about food bad enough to take out a Manticore stomach being used in biological warfare, but she had never been sick before.  
  
The next day, Max looked at the calander. _Oh great._ Her snippyness would rival Zack's for the next week. Unfortunately, periods of heat and plain old periods didn't coincide. Once a month like everyone else for the latter. Thanks to Manticore, she was the almanac of it.  
Max went to her cot to clean the sheets. But there wasn't any blood. Neither was there any in her sleep-sweatpants The something hit her. _Oh God no._  
  
When Zack returned late in the day from securing sector passes, Max sat on the cot with her knees drawn up to her chest. Her eyes were red from crying. In her fist were several scrunched up tissues.  
Max? Are you allright? Zack asked, concerned.  
Max turned her head to look at him. Her eyes were so scared, Zack almost wanted to run.  
she had to swallow hard I took a test. I think I'm pregnant.


	5. Just Can't

leave5

Thank you all again for the reviews! And for the sake of this part, let's disregard everything after Meow, okay?  
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Zack felt frozen. _Pregnant. A baby. A Logan's baby.  
_Max wiped her nose on her sleeve.   
I don't know for sure. But it makes sense. I've been sleeping a lot, I got sick, and I'm late. she ventured.  
Zack snapped out of his zoning. Late for what-? Oh.  
He ducked his head and turned quickly. Max gave a little start-shake of her head. _No, he didn't just blush.  
_Max stood. I need to tell Logan.  
Zack faced her. What? Why?  
She gave him a look. It's his baby, duh. He should know.  
  
Max blinked. What did you just say?  
Nothing good will come of it Max. He dumped you because he didn't want a Chimera girlfriend. Do you think he'll want a Chimera baby?  
Max looked like she would cry, so Zack tried to recover.  
Okay, maybe he would want his child. Still, what if he blew our cover so he could keep it? Forget Logan, is it even a good idea for you to go through with this?  
Max screamed. What do you mean?  
Zack went to her and stood close.   
Look, Max. I'm not trying to be cruel. Think of all the problems we have. That the other X-5's have. Our siezures, Brin's aging, worst case, Ben's... Ben.  
Max sat down and rested her head on her knees. Zack sat down beside her and put an arm around her back, awkwardly.  
Max, Manticore may have been Hell behind a fence, but at least they could treat us. What if this has something new and untreatable? Do you want it to die painfully while you watch? Or worse, be sent to Manticore? You got out twice, Max, you willing to pull for a hat trick?  
Max sat up.  
I'll talk about it with Logan.  
  
**Seattle  
**Logan leaned against his window. He looked surprisingly clean. Maybe, on some level, he wanted to look good in case everything worked out so Max would come back and they would be okay together. Yeah, right. Like some force of unimaginable psychological power would just compell her to come tumbling back into his life.  
  
The door slammed open, making Logan whirl around. Max strode in, Zack behind her.  
Logan, study, _now_! she said.  
Dumbly, he responded Max, we broke up, I'm not going to-  
She shot him a venemous glare.   
No, dumbass, I need to talk to you, so could you _please_ get moving?  
Even Zack looked unsettled, so Logan just followed her.  
He shut the door behind them. What did you want to say?  
I'm pregnant. If you can't figure it out from there, I worry for our kid.  
Logan felt like someone had hit him with a baseball bat.  
Oh my God. When did you get pregnant?  
She glared again.  
Well, first we made out, then opted for the bedroom, if you'd like more specifics...  
Logan took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.  
What I meant was how far along are you?  
Max quieted visibly.   
Has to be under a month. Maybe two, three weeks. I have plenty of time to get an abortion.  
He looked up.  
Is that what you want?  
I don't know if I can support a kid, Logan. Not just money, I mean, I'd be a seriously screwed mother.  
Logan put his glasses back on to look at her. Max looked so tired and young, weary, sitting there.  
And I'm assuming you don't want it. One less killer in the world.  
Max..., there are other reasons, too.  
Spare me.  
She walked over to the window so she wouldn't have to meet his eyes.  
I could take the baby, if you don't want it. he offered.  
I'd rather not. I guess I'll do okay.  
I want to help. I'll help out with money, if you'll let me visit.  
Max shook her head, but to clear it, not at him.  
Zack wants to go to Europe.  
A beat.  
You'll go with him?  
Maybe. This... my... our baby throws off everything.  
She turned back to him.  
Well, I just thought you should know- _About how I want us to be parents, married, loving, a little crazy, but togther, always togther...  
_Send me an address when the baby is born. I want to visit, Max, I want to be involved.  
Max just sent him a look. It said all the work she'd be doing, all the pain she'd be experiencing, and (underlying) how bad she wanted him to be there.  
  
Zack was waiting outside.   
So what'd you decide? he asked them. He looked over Max's shoulder at Logan. Logan just looked dazed, hurt, and sad.  
Max met Zack's eyes.   
I'm keeping it.  
Zack showed the only affection he dared, an approving nod.  
Max began to walk out the door.  
Logan grabbed Zack before he could leave.  
Hey. I don't like you, and you don't like me. But we both love her, so just... take care of her. And let me help in any way I can. She's not going to be able to travel after her second trimester, and she'll need ultrasounds and checkups. I can find a doctor, or atleast the equipment. So find a place to stay. Here. Logan tossed a cell phone into his hand.  
It's a scrambled signal. Only I can access it, and it's programmed for voice recognition. Just say your name twice into it and only you can call. Give it to Max.  
Zack nodded again, afraid to say anything. He started to walk.  
  
He stopped.  
It's not just money... Max is going to want someone to be with. And she won't feel well for a good couple of months. So... since I can't, try to love her.  
Zack turned.  
Why can't you love her?  
Eventually, it would get her killed. I can't run with her when things threaten.. so it's not fair to her to risk herself like that. I just can't  
  
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I am so seriously pissed at the ending of ...And Jesus Brought A Casserole. I liked the first one, but to kill of Zack! I smell writers desperate for a plot line, starting praying for a Season 3...


	6. Losing

leave6

Finally, someone reviewed chapter five! But, did you mean Unthinkable, let's organize a witch hunt against this author!, or Unthinkable, but hallelujah it's an A.U. story!, what?  
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Max clung to Zack as they (once again) headed for the border. Her thoughts, of course, were on the baby growing inside of her. She'd grabbed a book on babies before they left, so she knew the person she was mentally talking to didn't have ears yet. Man, this kid was going to be lucky to get out of her alive, let alone grow up with her, and eventually live by itself. Zack just didn't figure into the whole picture, not that she didn't want him there, but it wasn't where she thought he would be. _Circumstances change, _she told herself sternly. That sounded a little too Manticorian to her. _Shit happens._ Better.  
  
**Four Days Later, Chicago  
  
**Max lay dozing on her bed in the tiny apartment Zack had found. They weren't staying here, but Max felt like she was trapped. Logan didn't want her, she'd left Seattle (even if she was there she would have to quit her job, she couldn't deliver packages for atleast ten months), and she was stuck with Zack for awhile. She loved her brother, but he wasn't someone she wanted to live with. She started to play a farmiliar game with herself: If We Had Been Normal Kids. Max smiled at the thought of flying wedgies and hair pulling and pillow fights. _Of course, if Lydecker and Renfro were our parents, we'd probably be serial killers by now._ But they weren't normal kids. She couldn't run forever, that wouldn't be fair to her baby. She could give it up for adoption and stay hidden forever. But her heart ached so badly when she wondered where her own mother was now. She could wait until after the baby was born and give it to Logan, run. But again, it would be worse. Max felt like she was running out of options. She could always (and she had to swallow to even think it) try to love Zack as she loved... Tell her kid he was the father, and if he left, he had problems. _Do you really think you could do that to yourself, to your baby. Cause eventually it won't be a baby anymore, and it will want answers. You won't want to lie forever, like you were lied to. Logan has to know this kid, if nothing else, half those chromosomes are his.   
_She started to cry. Zack came in.  
  
Max? Are you all right? he asked. He didn't want to be mean, she was pregnant.   
She looked up at him and tried to smile. But it faltered through the tears, and she buried her face in her hands.  
  
Zack stood uneasily. Max had punched him the last time she was upset. Her doctor said it was a normal hormone imbalance, but Zack knew she was depressed. Max seemed to live for the phone ringing. She had two moods pertaining to it: happy to hear Logan's voice, or sad not hear Logan's voice. Happy didn't last very long. He hated not knowing what to do. _Oh no, you know what to do, _that stupid maniacal voice whispered in his ear. It was killing him to see her this way, but it would kill her eventually. Pretty soon, she would hit the glass ceiling. Zack was worried about the baby. He didn't like that it was even coming into being, but he couldn't stop it, and it was his nephew or neice. Would Max hurt the baby? No, he had decided. Because she would see it as hurting Logan. But would she hurt herself? See it as getting out of the way of her baby's life? Zack was very, very afraid of the answer.  
  
Max stopped crying abruptly. She lifted her head.   
Zack asked. Timidly?  
What the hell am I going to do, Zack? All I wanted was to be reasonably normal, and I was so close. Normal girls have told me that you know you've met the perfect guy when you don't want to run off and dress up for him. I never felt like I should in the first place. But Logan made me feel like I shoud be a better _person._ You know, be cheerful when he's sad, stuff like that. But he didn't want me for the most frickin' legitimate reason possible: he didn't like me for me.  
It really scared him. Not her words. But Max was so calm, like she was reading from someone else's life. He wanted her, no, he wanted her happy and safe, but he couldn't...  
  
Zack knelt down in front of her.   
No, Max. That's not true. He absolutley loves you.


	7. Never Known

leave7

Okay, final installation. I hope everyone likes the ending (except for a certain rude girl who has been insulting me personally via e-mail). Zack is always getting the rep for being cold and distant, but I'd like to think he would want his family to be happy, too. I'm debating whether to write a Tomb Raider/Dark Angel crossover (don't ask) with Zack in it.  
Enjoy!  
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Logan? Logan! Max called.  
  
Zack hung back. Head down, hands in his jacket pockets, this was a homecoming for Max and a funeral for him.  
Logan walked out of his study.  
  
Max, why are you here? Is something wrong, is the baby o- he couldn't get the rest of it out because Max was kissing him. She broke it and stepped back.  
  
Zack told me what you said. Then she punched him in the jaw.  
  
Logan sprawled on the floor. He sat up and touched his split lip.  
What the hell was that for?! he demanded.  
She bent down and glared at him.  
How dare you think that you can make decisions like that for me! It is my life, Logan Cale, I ran for ten damn years to make it my own. If I want to risk everything because I love you and I want to stay with you; it's wonderful that you care but it's my damn choice! You have no right to treat me like a child. And you lied to me, you know how few people I can telll the truth to!   
She stopped and pulled him up off the floor. Max tucked herself into his arms.  
  
Logan, I thought you didn't love me, and it was the most horrible feeling. I was scared, and lost, and worried, but I was so _numb._ That's what real heartbreak feels like, and if there is any chance we can avoid it, we have to try. I can't _be_ without you.   
  
Logan may have said something in response, Zack didn't know. He quietly slipped out the door. Max wasn't his to love, but he had made her happy. That was about a third as good.  
  
  
**Three Years Later, Seattle  
  
**Zack nervously rapped on the door of the address he'd found in the city databases. It was a charming townhouse, three stories. This was supposedly Max's home know, her and her family. Zack had been too afraid to visit her. He'd missed the birth of her baby, her wedding (he assumed), everything. Zack feverently hoped she wasn't mad at him. The cherrywood door opened to reveal a woman, standing with an infant in her arms. Zack almost gasped. When he had left, Max was a frightened teenage girl, now she was a true woman.   
  
she breathed.  
  
He smiled.   
  
She leaned over to hug him with one arm. Only then did Zack see the baby.  
  
Uh, shouldn't he be older by now? he asked carefully.  
  
Max laughed. No, this is baby No. 2. Born, entirely coincidentally, ten months after our honeymoon. C'mon, Aubrey is inside. You caught me on a good day, I just got back from Rio so I took the day off.  
  
Zack followed her into the cozy, sunny space. It was a modest house, but with all the best furnishings. He noted toys on the stairs, the painted (not wallpapered) walls, the oak-and-chrome kitchen. The place was so damn cheerful.  
  
Max saw his face as he looked around. Yeah, I know. I guess I'm a sucker for a cheerful childhood enviroment. Planned the whole place after my anti-Manticore dreamhouse.  
  
Max placed the baby in a playpen. A toddler came dashing into the kitchen.  
  
Mama, can I play with Lily? I'll be careful, please. she said, tugging at Max's leg.  
  
Yes, Aubrey, just be careful with her head and don't take her out of the playpen.  
  
The little girl ran off again, not even noticing Zack.  
  
That was what made you send me back to Logan. Aubrey Catherine Cale.  
  
Zack swallowed. She has your eyes. Your hair.  
  
Yeah, well thank God she needs to sleep. No problems with seizures, yet. But she's so advanced for two.  
  
Max looked at him and smiled. Lily's middle name Zachary.  
  
Zack hugged her suddenly, clutching at whatever of the Max he had known there was left. No longer was the cold, steely baby of Manticore looking over her shoulder, deflecting hope with wise-ass remarks and a swift uppercut. She didn't need him for support, she had her husband, her daughters, her job. Max was not his. He'd wanted so badly to make her what he needed to love her. Zack had lost his sister without ever knowing her. He stepped back and looked around again. This was not his place. Not his children. But Max smiled so radiantly at him, Zack tried to pretend it was all okay..  
  
he began tell me everything.  
  
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Thank everyone again, although I am very afraid of several of you! Please let me know what you think of the last chapter! 


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